Roots

While planting flowers in the garden today there were so many roots from bushes that were dug out years ago; thick roots that ran deeply into the soil and spread out in quite a wide radius. It started me thinking about the patterns of separation we start building the moment we enter a life on earth. Patterns of separation are results of the thoughts and beliefs one holds that they are separate from the whole, separate from God. They are thoughts such as “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not smart enough”; anything that makes one believe that they are anything other than Divine. When those patterns of separation are formed, they grow deep and latch on like roots. And even though the patterns may have been eliminated years ago at the surface, there may still be old dead roots that need to be removed. I find that meditation helps this. It helps hoe the ground, remove the old roots and weeds, and plants and fertilizes new vibrant life in the soil. Time for some inner gardening… or as I like to call it, God-ening. Aum Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.

God through the peephole

There is a peephole on the door of my apartment. What is it there for? To see who’s knocking at my door, of course. Well, I’ve only been here for a month so I haven’t had many visitors yet. So my peephole has taken on a whole different purpose lately; to try and catch a glimpse of my neighbor. I’m not really sure why, but I’ve developed a sort of obsession about the person living next door. I guess I’m just curious about the people that surround me. In my building, there is one long hallway with smaller hallway shoot-offs along one side. These smaller hallways have two opposing doors. The one on the right is my apartment; the one on the left is hers. So, when I look out the peephole in my door, I have a direct view of hers. I hear her come and go; sometimes in a phone conversation, sometimes with visitors and sometimes she just slips away in her apartment and I don’t hear another sound.

I’ve developed this game, a sort of secret spy, private-eye am I. I hear her leave with flip-flops on a 50 degree day. So, naturally she must just be running down to switch the laundry around or check the mail because who in their right mind would wear flip-flops on a day like this unless they were coming right back? Right? I must be right. Lo and behold, she returns a few minutes later with fabric softener in hand and I catch a small glimpse. Yes! I was right! How smart am I? Anyhow, it’s gotten ridiculous lately; I hear movement outside my door and I try to make it to the peephole before the door to her apartment shuts. I hardly ever seem to make it, which is probably why the obsession continues.

Ok, you get the picture. So, I had this realization today. In my spiritual classes and group meditations, we’ve been talking a lot about the priority of focus. In order to reach self-realization, the focus should be first on God, second on God in self, and third on God in other. God-self-other. So my realization was that I had been putting “other ”first. And that if I had that same obsession and curiosity about God, I would probably be free! Free from my patterns of separation and live in accordance with Divine Love, Wholeness and Oneness with all of creation. This obsession that many of us develop throughout our lifetime is usually what keeps us from being free. Unfortunately, the languaging of society tends to teach us that image and identity are the most important things. And, really, image or identity doesn’t exist without a comparison to other. We are “other” obsessed.

So, with this in mind, I am changing my focus. What if my third-eye is the peephole to my self-realization? If I even caught so much of a glimpse of God through my third-eye peephole, then life as I “know” it would be changed forever! So here I sit in my apartment adorned with pictures and figurines of the likes of Ganesha, Buddha, Kwan Yin, Jesus, Amma, Radha and Krishna, Saraswati, Lakshmi...you would think I'd be reminded every second of the day as to where my focus should be; not to mention all the unseen beings that are just waiting to support me in my awakening. I’m sure that someday I’ll actually just knock on my neighbor’s door, introduce myself and end the obsession. But, for the moment, God is knocking. I think it’s time I catch a glimpse through the peephole.

Saved By a Jehovah's Witness!

As I was doing my nanny duty of feeding the toddler today, there was a knock on the door. I answered and there stood a lovely woman with a bible in her hand. She asked me what I thought about the “Kingdom of Heaven”. I told her that the Kingdom of Heaven is right here, right now. It is all of us. She went on to ask if I attend a church and I told her I go to Christ Community Church in Spring Lake then paused for reaction…for those of you who don’t know, Christ Community (C3) is a progressive Christian church which embraces all faiths, beliefs, sexual orientations and…gasp!...”encourages independent thinking” (murmurs among the crowd). It is a place where I’ve sung Hindu bhajans and Buddhist chants during service with great reception. And, although I don’t consider myself to be a Christian, it is the place where I’ve felt the most connected with the philosophies and the people here in west Michigan. Now, as I was telling this woman which church I attend, there was that familiar egoic voice just chomping at the bit waiting for the response. I so wanted her to start asking me about the bible and trying to impose her views on me just so the ego could have its chance to tell her my very progressive views. That voice that I’ve tried hard to do away with somehow finds a way to rear its ugly head every now and then. Generally, I’ve done pretty well with keeping it in-check, but today, it made an appearance. Not a grand appearance, but an appearance none-the-less. The well-intentioned lady asked if I say the “Lord’s prayer” and I answered “nope, not since I was catholic”. She looked a little confused. Then she started talking about the meaning of the word “kingdom”…”a land with a king. It’s really kind of like a government with a ruler” she said then pulled pamphlets out of her bag and asked if I wanted them. I said that they “weren’t my sort of thing but I’ll leave them on the counter in case the family wanted to read them.” (huh?) She left in, I’m sure, a confused state and I went back to the business of feeding the child. But, for some reason I was feeling unsettled this time. The ego didn’t feel that usual sense of satisfaction. There was nothing overly harsh said on my part. It was just the way the ego was talking with the intention of getting a reaction that left me with that feeling of unsettledness. What surfaced next, I wasn’t prepared for. What surfaced was me, the Divinely True me, the I am. That part down deep inside decided to come up closer to the surface and shut the ego up before it had the chance to revel in its small victory. Instead, I felt completely defeated myself. I don’t want to be that person. Isn’t that being exactly the thing that I was against? Isn’t that, in a way, imposing my views on others? Isn’t that being judgmental? I completely believe that we all have our own truths and every single one of them is real and true. Being a Jehovah’s Witness is exactly where that woman is supposed to be at this point of her journey. It’s what works best for her in this moment. Shouldn’t I love her instead, and cheer her on for the journey ahead? There was a time when being a catholic worked best for me. But we grow and progress. And today, I did a little bit more of that. But there I was with my feelings of shame and guilt realizing that, once and for all, I didn’t want to let that ego-voice rule the roost. All of a sudden, everything seemed so much clearer. I felt so much love for that woman who came along and gave me that experience of Divine Love and connection and acceptance. I’ve forgotten lately how that felt. It’s time to re-awaken that part of myself and move forward.

Now, there are many who say that one of the ways the Divine feminine (Mother God) shows her love is by sending flowers…and do you know what? 5 minutes after that lady left the front door, there was another knock. A lady delivering flowers! And she happened to be the mother of a friend of mine! Ahhhhh Divine timing.

Thank you Mother. Jai Ma!